new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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