1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Umm I'm too high to move.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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