Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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