i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
