Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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