Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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