so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
this will be a night to untag.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Verdict: uncircumcised.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
