Im at strip club and am horny
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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