Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
