I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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