not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
