drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
