saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
