I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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