Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
