I'm jealous of your bromance
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
