Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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