go do what you do best...puke behind churches
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She needs sedatives and a leash
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
