He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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