I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
