I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
