we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
