Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Let's paint friendship bongs
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
