Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
