I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
