It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
