I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
