Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
