He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
