nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
