At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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