Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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