evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
