Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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