that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Someone signed my nipple.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
