There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
