I can tuck mytits in my pants
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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