my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
did i just pee glitter
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
