do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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