So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i came on her dog
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
