That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
