How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
