mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize