We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
