beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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