dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
