My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
