she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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