ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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