Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize