Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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