Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
