i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
