I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
