Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
