god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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