That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
