yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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