there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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