yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
