i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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