Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
