Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
