this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
