I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
