Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You're a waste of cheezeits
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
