Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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