I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
