my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
