My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
