Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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