She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize