at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize