if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
