Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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